Fabulous Over 50: Abuse - How to recognize it and get help

Abuse - How to recognize it and get help

May 9, 2018

This episode is so important to me because I personally know of several women who have mental or physical health issues who stay in abusive relationships because they believe they can't go anywhere else due to their physical or mental health.

If you or someone you love is in this, or any abusive situation, please get help.

Today, Dr. Natalie Jones tells her compelling account of abuse and shares her incredible work with both victims and abusers. According to The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime. (see more details here: https://ncadv.org/statistics)

A few things we talked about:

Many abusers were in an abusive situation in the past.
If you grow up thinking abusive things are normal in a relationship, you might not recognize it as abusive later.
It's a good idea to see a therapist if you think you might be in this situation.
Abuse, toxicity, or dysfunctionalism can show up in relationships with employers, friends, food, or money. It's not typically a linear thing.
A tell-tale sign is that issues will come up in relationships with your own children.
Be mindful - mindfulness means being aware. Notice how you're feeling in specific situations and with specific people. Know what causes you to feel and act certain ways.
Just like diet and exercise, mental health is just as important.
Therapy is like a mental laxative.
Don't wait until it gets all bad to go to therapy. Have the systems in place to help keep you grounded and supported.

Minority mental health can be different in ways non-minority people don't understand:

A lot of minority cultures feel that they don't need therapy unless they're "crazy."
Dr. Natalie Jones sees many minority people in her practice after they've hit "crisis mode."
Don't be afraid to seek help when you first feel like you need it.
People want to see someone who looks like them and thinks like them as a therapist, and they can be difficult to find. People want to find someone who understands their cultural differances.

Signs of abuse to watch for:

If the people around you are concerned about you and the way you're being treated, listen. They want to see you succeed and be happy.
If there are things going on behind closed doors that you lie about or fake it, that's a sign of something wrong.
Be aware of secrecy.
People who are in happy and healthy relationships don't have to fake it, if you're faking what things are really like at home, that's a sign.
Abuse works by isolating you away from people who care about you.
If you're worried about your partner and that's it, or you're treating your partner better than you're treating yourself, those can be red flags.
Inability talk about problems like sex or finances with your partner and be heard.
If your partner is saying things like, "they only hit me once," or "they only throw things at me." Minimizing what they do.
Being abused means you might not be in a rational state of mind.
Getting help can help you stop being dismissive and work on being healthy.

Abuse doesn't have to be physical, it can be:
Psychological
Sexual
Mental
Verbal
Emotional
Financial
Technological (watching and monitoring you)

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Dr. Natalie's personal story is at 19:30. She is amazingly open and honest about her own personal struggles and how she decided to do the work she does now.

Dr. Natalie Jones' Superpower: She is a human lie detector. She can tell if someone is lying or conning within seconds.

You can find Dr. Jones:

https://www.drnataliejones.com

https://www.adatewithdarkness.com.

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.nataliejones/

Instagram 2: https://www.instagram.com/adatewithdarknesspodcast/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drnataliejones/

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Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/196036654267594/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Dr_NatalieJones

Twitter 2: https://twitter.com/ADateWDarkness

Thank you for joining me today!